here are a few writings from previous eras of my life. i hope they serve and inspire you.
The Edge of Darkness
I came to the edge of the darkness
And was greeted
So much so that i reeled back as if struck
A heaving in my heart loosing tears to stream
In the midst of cringing
The split seconds of casting about for ways out
I turned fully into it
Stretched wide my eyes to see
Stretched wide my heart in the invitation to dance
And dove in.
Long the deepest of the blessed nights
Dressed in firelight
Dressed in darkness
Dancing with my shadows
Making love with the deepest reaches of me
The scent of soaked earth a lining in my garment
I love the night of me
I have no fear of what i meet there
I embrace the fullness of me
Of holy Beings sacred ways
I love the day of me
I welcome fully what i meet there
The many dresses of my moments embodied
Each and every one
Full of medicine
Full of magic
Then a sweet blue breathes around the fringe of the trees
And i know he is near
Having sent the smoke signals
I feel him coming
Gather my bells
And go to the ground
To praise him into rising
Holy Te Ra comes
Brushes a first tawny rust across the upmost branches of wooded body
Coaxes me forward
As that holy shimmering radiance peeks from behind the ridge
Casting out sparkling shards that gather
Into blazing rays
Everything in me beams with joy
This is the gift of welcoming the darkness
To traverse completely
And in confidence
The terrain of my night
And the nights of creation
Enjoying fully their company
Even the painful and frightening faces
Who offer only gifts, only gifts……..
There are only gifts.
This is the gift of welcoming the light
The dance in reverence
Entwined in the sparkling medicine
Of the light soaking through the water on the leaves
Plump from the rain gods blessings.
There are only gifts.
This earth is radical beauty.
This moment a holy rite.
I love all of me
My day and my night
My light and my dark
My brilliance and my shadows
All of me
oh, this long and wild moon… these long and wild days. the wind gets colder, breathing more a breath of winter, of the ancestors, on every step. it fans the fires of dance in my body and song in my throat. i am heart-broken-open, wildly in love with this world, this life, this magical furnace of becoming that is the journey between realms of being. the scorpions tail has swung around every edge, conjuring every facet of the raw diamond of love, pain and magic with sharp and perfect stings. everything laid bare on the altar of becoming, throbbing with the venom nectar of unbridled life in its veins. the invitation is explicit. the threshold, no longer approaching, has already been crossed. plunge or fly. even if there were a way, there would be no turning back.
now we stand naked in the storm, bright in the searing blessing of the sun, cradled in the mossy nourishment of gaia’s grand generosity, weightless in rapturous dance in the wind of creation. humbled, emboldened, empowered, in wonder, i walk tall through the crystallizing and destabilizing phenomenon of this collective experience with prayers rolling on the waves of my breaths. the prayers are my rhythm. i am the movement of prayer. songs for god, to god, from god, of god, i am god.
this all is.
i watched it break this week. i watched the container crack open, the light spill out. it would seem that the light spilled into the street, was lost, wasted. but no. the light broke through. the conatiner was too small, so the light broke through. and now that the faulty container has cracked and the light has spilled, it is free to roam, finding its way stealthily into the hearts of everything through the cracks in their own facades. invisible as the wind, silent as the dawn, charming as birdsong, it flows in through every unguarded door to press at the edges of containers, encourage them to crack. you can say “no” to a face. there is no face to the dawn, and it always comes. full of rain, full of light, full of ash, it always comes, the perpetual miracle of cycling life. it always comes, and it always comes in. the ocean embraces every river.
so now we are yes. now we live the power of vulnerable. now we live the power that wields the sword as we set the sword aside. truth is its own magic, its own justice. when we live in truth right action follows as naturally as the movement of one leg then another in walking. when living in truth, there is no need to consider which way is right. be quiet, allow the action to come. move only when you are moved by the breath of spirit. then what is yours to do, say, offer, receive or hold will flow through you, one leg and then another, one note and then another.
be the prayers of creation through your being. bring those prayers to fruition with your life. the wind is your breath, your breath the wind. when you sing, i hear you in africa, you hear me in antarctica. be that big. we are anyway. be it with grace. when we all rise, the light of the heavens becomes the light of our eyes, and our words become the song of the skies caressing this mother gaia, her breath becomes the song of loving the sky. a touch of grace raises the poisoned field to its eden, blooms orchids out of icebergs, heals the broken and remembers the way.
we are here to be beautiful.
i love you
i didn’t come here to get ground to dust by the machine.
none of us did.
and i say that with all the love in the world. fuck the machine. thank you for your good service and you’re free to die like you should now. and worry none: there is a place for you at the table if you’ll join us. you only must come as peace.
this is my world, our world, a world of wonder and glory, and that’s what we came here to do. we came here to love it, to honor it, to serve in it’s protection and prosperity, to take responsibility for ourselves in our time here and make good choices that we will be proud to have attached to our names when we leave our bodies on the beach as a gift to the sea.
we came here as love with miracles pulsing through us.
so that’s what’s up. we’re bringing the beauty of this miracle back to the surface. letting the sludge slide out like lead out of gold, not “purified” but integrated, balanced, set to rights.
right relation. it means responsibility. it means living with your actions and your words aligned, in full awareness that that can take time. it means loving the whole world as deeply as you love your beloved, your mother, your friends, and treating the whole world with that same respect (which means that sometimes you won’t get what you want, can’t do what you want, and have to leave some things alone because just because you think it’s beautiful and it makes you happy doesn’t mean you have the right to possess it) and letting that be fucking FANTASTIC. letting that temper you into a truly magnificent human animal in the world of creatures, life, and mystery.
the time i learned to leave that glorious flower on its stem so that it could live its life, i became more free. when i learned to treat animals as sovereign beings who are free to ignore me when i want to touch them, i learned more about love than i had ever known before, and the gift of them then leaning into my outstretched hand became truly the kiss of god.
oh yes. the miracle of it all.
draw it up.
live it fully.
make it matter.
this is the 11th hour. don’t waste your time.
love your way through it all, love it all.
it’s a gift, even when it hurts.